


Why did you go? I had to stay

by SemperAeternumQue



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Cherri Cola Has Issues, Cherri goes nonverbal sometimes and thats relevant, Families of Choice, Found Family, Gen, So much angst, auriel stop writing angst challenge 2k20, but its not going to be happy for sure, i dont really know what to say about this one its pretty awful and sad, i dont want to tag it with sad ending yet because i dont really know how it ends, no happy ending, party poison is surprisingly not a dick, tags will be updated probably, they are a FAMILY im LOVE THEM, they're all trans, this is literally just me making everything worse, whatever the opposite of an everyone lives AU is this is it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27266368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SemperAeternumQue/pseuds/SemperAeternumQue
Summary: Cherri Cola comes with the Fabulous Four to Battery City. They survive.The radio crew doesn't.
Relationships: Agent Cherri Cola & Fun Ghoul & Jet Star & Kobra Kid & Party Poison (Danger Days), Agent Cherri Cola & Original Killjoy Character(s) (Danger Days), Agent Cherri Cola & Party Poison (Danger Days), Party Poison & Original Killjoy Character(s)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 13





	1. through broken glass

**Author's Note:**

> Hey fuckers welcome to a truly awful fic, please read the tags because there's a fucking lot of warnings for this and it is very terrible and angsty. So,,,,,about as bad as my fics are normally. The only thing that's good about this is that the fabulous four survive.

_Shoulders set and guns at the ready, the Fabulous Four walk into the heart of Battery City with Cherri Cola beside them, not expecting to ever walk free again. They will go through the building, find The Girl, and get her out, as many of them dying in the process as necessary. They have all sworn that no matter what, no matter if their crewmates are dying around them, if any of them get to the Trans Am with Motorbaby, they will drive away._

_The run goes better than they expect; Cherri Cola's skill is not to be underestimated, even in the heart of Battery City. The Girl, their Motorbaby, their Girlie, is freed, and all six of them leave in the Trans Am, speeding away into the desert._

* * *

They get back to the radio station at an ungodly hour of the morning, limping, battered, and tired. Even though they're all mostly uninjured, it took them hours to make sure no one was on their trail, and they're all exhausted beyond reason. Poison looks over at their brother; Kobra is riding shotgun, his head leaning against the window. They glance into the backseat, finding the Girl has fallen asleep on Jet's lap. Jet has fallen asleep on Cherri Cola's shoulder, and he shoots them a tiny smile. At first Poison can't find Ghoul, and their heart rate jumps, but they quickly see that he's asleep with his head on Cherri's lap. 

The poet smiles again.

Poison smiles back and whispers "We're almost there." before they turn back to the road.

As they near WKIL, it becomes immediately apparent that something is wrong. Instead of darkness, Poison can see the glow of flames on the horizon. They turn to say something to Cherri, and find him already staring through the windshield with a frown.

So they turn back to the road again and say nothing as they pull to a stop next to the flames consuming the radio station.

From the backseat, Ghoul yawns loudly. "Huh? Cola? We there yet?"

"We're here," Jet yawns, but Poison can hear the worry in her voice even under the sleepiness. 

They open the door silently, hearing the others clamber out of the car behind them, followed by a shout of "Cherri!"

The poet is running by them, too fast for Poison to catch as he kicks through the burning door of the radio station and dashes inside.

The first name on their lips isn't the familiar nickname of "Pepsi" it's "Cherri! Cherri!". They can do nothing to help.

"Wha's going on?" That's the Girl, sleepily rubbing her eyes as she wanders up next to Poison. 

"The-" Poison's words stick in their throat. "The radio station must have been attacked."

"Fucking hell!" The Girl says, and Poison doesn't even have the energy to demand who she learned that from. It was probably Ghoul anyways.

Ghoul xemself is frozen, staring at the flames with Jet next to xem. Poison feels the exact same way.

After a few minutes, Cherri staggers out of the building, and Poison quickly shields the Girl's eyes from the sight of who he's carrying; Hot Chimp, bloodied, burned, and clearly dead.

Cherri lays her on the sand with heartbreaking care, kneeling by her side as if that will fix anything now. After a second, he starts coughing, deep, rasping coughs from smoke. Those coughs turn into wracking, broken sobs, and Poison is running to his side before they have time to think about what they're doing. 

Cherri's entire body is shaking, but his eyes are terrifyingly calm when he looks up at them. "I w-was too late. Couldn't save her." His voice is barely more than a whisper, broken up by sobs. 

Poison doesn't know what to say, doesn't think there are words for this. They reach to hug him instead, and Cherri silently crumples into their arms. 

Jet sounds quietly panicked in the background, pacing. "What do we do, oh Witch, what do we _do_?"

"Fuck if I know," Poison mutters to themself. "We get up and we keep going," they say more loudly.

Cherri nods against their shoulder, and Jet twists her hands in worry. "But what about-"

"Jet." She stops at the firm word, and Poison goes on. "We get up, we get back in the Am. We go back to the diner and pack our stuff, and we carry on."

"Gotcha, boss." Ghoul's usually cheerful voice is dull, but Poison manages a tiny smile at the familiar joking term of address.

Kobra slides into the driver's seat when they get back in the Am. Jet climbs into shotgun, holding the Girl on her lap, and Poison is the one who bundles Cherri in. He doesn't fight them, but he doesn't help them either, almost limp in their arms. They push him into the backseat and slide in after him, and then they wrap an arm around him and tug him close to their side. Ghoul gets into the exact same position as earlier, curled up in the backseat with their head in Cherri's lap, and it's almost enough to make Poison smile. They don't, though, because several of their closest friends and Cherri's entire family are dead. 

Kobra steps on the gas.

Poison trusts their brother to take them to where they need to be, but they call "Not back to the diner tonight- somewhere safe where they won't look for us!" up to the front of the car anyways.

Kobra nods and gives them a thumbs-up. That's enough for Poison to relax, leaning against Cherri's shoulder just like Jet was doing earlier. Cherri still doesn't say anything, but he puts his head on top of theirs silently, and that's something. 

As the sun begins to peek over the horizon, the Trans Am pulls to a stop outside of a familiar building and Poison breathes a sigh of relief. "The Nest."

Jet is the one to click open the door to the car first, holding Motorbaby with one arm as she steps outside. Kobra follows, and Poison pushes open their door as Ghoul sits up and gets out of the car.

They walk into the building, only to be greeted with a somewhat familiar redhead 'joy.

Cherri raises his hands, forming familiar ZSL gestures. "Autumn. Hello. I'm sorry."

"What the fuck happened to you?" Autumn Assassin, the killjoy who's been at the Nest as long as anyone can remember, glances at Poison, their gaze raking over Poison's face. "And why do you have the Fabulous Four with you?"

"It's a long story," Poison cuts in, not wanting to rehash the night. "We really need a place to stay."

"And food for Motorbaby," Jet murmurs.

"That, I can do. Sit." 

Poison would argue, but it's been too long of a night for that. They sit on the battered sofa, tugging Cherri down with them, and Jet sits on their other side, Kobra settling into an even more battered armchair. Ghoul curls up on Poison's lap, putting his head on Cherri's lap again; Poison doesn't think xe's been without physical contact with another person for more than ten minutes since they drove out of Battery City. They can't say they blame xem. 

Autumn Assassin bustles around as a few sleepy killjoys wander in and out of the room; the crack of dawn isn't exactly when most 'joys are fully awake. It only takes them a few minutes to come up with an impressive spread of food. There's not just powerpup, but also canned food of varying other kinds and even a jar of canned fruit-something. With it, Autumn brings over some bottles of water.

"This is a lot," Jet says, glancing at them in concern. "Are you sure-"

"Hon, you need the food. I can tell." Autumn Assassin pats the couch arm by her. "Get a drink of water, at least. You deserve it."

Something in their voice is so reassuring that Poison doesn't even feel bad about digging in, although they watch their crew carefully to make sure everyone eats something. 

Cherri doesn't, staring blankly at the table until Poison is forced to nudge him with an elbow. "Hey. Pepsi. You need to eat."

He looks at them, surprise on his face, and to their surprise, turns to eat almost a full can of powerpup. 

While the crew is eating, silent and weary, Autumn Assassin gestures over another killjoy. "Princey, help me patch these ones up, will you?" The two of them move around to each of Four, the Girl, and Cherri in turn with a first aid kit, patiently cleaning and bandaging both large and small injuries. Ghoul's sprained wrist is set, the gash across Poison's face is cleaned, and even Motorbaby gets a cute little band-aid for her scraped knee. Cherri, the duo spends almost ten minutes fussing over. 

"Burns, some pretty icky gashes, and definitely smoke inhalation," 'Princey' says.

Cherri is silent.

"Anything we can do about that?" Autumn asks.

"Not much, we'll clean and bandage what we can, and breathing fresh air is the best we can do for the smoke."

"Thanks, Princey."

"No problem."

"Best angel kisser out there," Autumn declares fondly to the rest of them. "Besides Dowdy, that is, but they're really a doctor. Anyways, come on, I'll get you lot a spare room somewhere."

Too tired to argue, the group follows Autumn to a little room up the stairs and off to the side. 

"Thank you," Jet says, because she's the one who retains politeness even when tired.

"Thanks," Ghoul agrees, because xe's nice like that.

Poison is not nice like that, but they nod at Autumn Assassin and hope their meaning comes across. 

Kobra is already silently curled up on the mattress.

"Sleep well, hon," Autumn says, and shuts the door behind them. 

None of them have slept for more than a few minutes in over twenty-four hours, with the possible exception of the Girl, and all of them are asleep within minutes. Even Cherri conks out on the shared mattress, his face no more peaceful in sleep than when he was awake.

Despite their exhaustion, Poison awakens only a few hours later with the distinct sense that something is wrong. Looking around, they count the members of their crew.

Kobra, check. Jet, check. Ghoul, check. Girlie, check. Satisfied, they go to lay back down, and jolt upright with the realization that Cherri is supposed to be there, curled up against their back like he was last time they saw him. 

"Cola?" There is no response in the quiet room, and Poison slips off the mattress and climbs to their feet. They can hear voices from downstairs, and that's where they go, creeping down step by step. From the bottom of the stairs, they can see Cherri in the kitchen with Autumn Assassin. His arms are curled around himself, staring at the ground, and Autumn's face is filled with worry.

Poison arrives just in time to hear Cherri murmur "They're gone, Autumn. All of them."

"All-"

"D. Chimp. Pony. Newsie." His voice breaks on the last name. "Dead."

Autumn Assassin stares at him, shock written across their face, and then Poison watches as their steely expression crumples and tears start falling. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry."

They just shake their head.

Cherri's voice shakes too. "I'm so, so sorry."

Wordlessly, Autumn reaches out and pull him into a hug. Poison watches as the two older killjoys cling to each other and sob, suddenly feeling like a child up past their bedtime, witnessing something they're not supposed to see.

They don't leave, though, don't turn away. They don't understand the full magnitude of Cherri's grief, but their heart aches too; the radio crew was their family too, not that Poison would ever admit it out loud. So they sit on the stairs and stare at the ground until the angel kisser from earlier comes and sits next to them. 

"Hey, kid."

"That's my brother."

Princey, or whatever his name is, laughs quietly. "I like you already. Party Poison, right?"

"That's me," Poison deadpans.

"And you're watching your friend fall apart too," Princey guesses. 

"Cherri's not-" their words stick in their throat, their foolish bleeding heart refusing to allow them the dignity of pretending that they don't care. "I guess so."

Princey's voice is wry. "I know the feeling all too well."

"You've been around a while?"

"Fought in the Analogs. Was around before that, but I'm not quite old enough to have fought in the Helium Wars."

"You must be younger than Cherri, then."

"Older by a year. He didn't fight in them either, though he looks like he did." Princey smiles dryly. "I've been in the desert twelve years now, and in that time, I've seen Autumn cry like this exactly once. Cola's always been emotional, but Autumn? Nope."

Poison glances over and finds the duo still embracing, Cherri's brown hair blending into Autumn's red. "You knew him before?"

"From years ago. We got pretty distant after the Analogs, we were never as close as he was with the WKIL crew or Autumn, but...I respected him. Still do, actually."

"Respect? Really?" They try to sound mocking and fail.

"It takes a whole fucking lot of strength to be as kind as he is in a world as cruel as this one."

Poison can't argue with that, doesn't want to try to. "Make sense. You're Princey, right?"

Princey nods. "Prince of Wales, technically, but everyone calls me Princey." 

"Cool."

They sit on the stairs together as killjoys go up and down, bustling through the house as if the world of the Zones hasn't been fundamentally changed in just one night. Princey doesn't leave, but no one else stops to say hi, and not a single killjoy stops to help the duo breaking down in the kitchen. 

By the time Poison is starting to yawn, Cherri and Autumn have stepped apart, dried their eyes, and squared their shoulders as if preparing to take on the world. Cherri comes over to the stairs with tear tracks on his face, smudged with dirt and blood and grime, but looking slightly less like he's falling apart. Beside him, Autumn rubs a hand over their face tiredly, but they seem to have returned to their usual stone-faced expression.

“What are you doing up, Pois?” That’s Cherri, voice still raspy with tears. 

“Couldn’t sleep, you?”

“Same with me.”

Meanwhile, Princey is talking quietly to Autumn; he’s frowning, a bit, and their face is impassive, but it doesn’t seem to be an unfriendly conversation.

“Go sleep a bit longer, you two,” Autumn tells them, looking away from their conversation for a moment.

“Will do,” Poison tells them. Autumn smiles a tiny smile as Poison reaches for Cherri’s hand almost unconsciously, and Cherri takes their hand and squeezes it gently.

Back they go, back up the stairs. Their crew is asleep still, and Poison settles onto the mattress. When they don't feel anyone sit next to them, they look up at Cherri. "Well, are you coming?"

"Oh. Yeah." Cherri settles down next to them, and Poison surprises even themself by leaning over to hug him quickly. 

"Now get some fucking sleep, you insufferable bastard."

Cherri gives them a tiny, terribly sad, but genuine smile. "Will do."


	2. and the morning light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi fuckers so i wrote a second chapter uhhh warnings for death, sorta vaguely implied/mentioned suicidal thoughts/suicide attempt (in the past), and mentions of past violence, injury, and gore. Also, it should be noted that some but not all of cherri's backstory in this is compliant with the Building Home verse, for anyone who's been reading that.

It’s almost twenty-four hours later when everyone is finally awake. They sleep for the next day, waking up only occasionally to eat and have a few small, quiet conversations in the dark (or sometimes light) room, but finally Poison is waking up for good the sunrise after the one where they got to the nest.

“Good morning, boss,” Ghoul says with a joking smile. It’s not as wide as it would usually be, more tired and sad, but it’s familiar and it’s Ghoul, so Poison is going to take that.

“Good morning, Ghoulie. How’d you sleep?”

“Pretty decent.” Ghoul glances around at the others, who are still asleep. “You want to go out somewhere so we don’t wake them up?”

“Yeah, let’s go…” Poison looks around and their gaze falls on a window. “Onto the roof?”

“Hell yeah, roofs are the most fun.” Ghoul scrambles out nimbly, and Poison follows without falling, which they count as a victory.

The two are quiet at first, if not awkward. 

“So….what the fuck’s going to happen now?” Ghoul isn’t one to beat around the bush, and sometimes Poison really appreciates that.

“I don’t fucking know, Ghoul.” They wish they did, they pretend they do in front of the rest, but around just Ghoul, they’ll let their guard down for a moment.

“Well you’ll have to figure it out, Pois. You’re in charge, after all.”

Poison groans. “Sometimes I hate that.” It isn’t as if the rest of the Four blindly obey them with no input, but when it comes down to it, Poison’s word is final. And that is _terrifying_. 

Ghoul shrugs, staring out at the horizon in the predawn light. “I mean, there’s a reason you are, you know. You’ve got brains.”

“Ha. That’s Jet. I’m just charismatic.”

“No, really.” Xyr voice is earnest. “You’re pretty dang clever, Pois. Even when the world is going to shit, somehow you manage to get us up and moving and alive. You planned the raid on Batt City to get Motorbaby-“

“- Cola was the reason that succeeded.”

“Wasn’t finished.”

“Sorry.”

“You planned the raid on Batt City to get Motorbaby, and you planned it around our strengths. You hate Cola, or used to, and you still knew where to put him in the lineup.” Ghoul shrugs again. “Maybe I don’t know much, but I know you love our crew and I know you’d die to keep us safe, and that has to count for something.”

Poison doesn’t like the way their eyes are stinging, trying to focus on the distant mountains instead. “I-“

“You care.”

“I care,” Poison admits with a sigh. Ghoul has always been able to see right through them, even though he and Poison weren’t so friendly at first. 

“Yeah, and that means more than being all clever and shit. I mean, I can make a bomb and win a knife fight, doesn’t mean I could lead the Four.”

Poison scoots closer to them. “Hey. Ghoulie. No putting yourself down ‘cause you’re trying to lift me up, okay? You’re the fucking cleverest bomb-maker I’ve ever known, but you’re way more than that. Loyal and funny and all that shit people talk about. I’ve never doubted you’d die for the crew, not once.”

“Really? Not even at the start?”

“Ghoul, I watched you get stabbed for my brother about two weeks into knowing us. I don’t think you get much more loyal than that.”

Ghoul laughs, small and sad. “Guess not.”

“We’re so fucking lucky to have you in the crew. I mean it.”

“Alright, now you’re laying it on thick,” xe snorts, but Poison knows xe doesn’t really mean that.

They really mean their words, though, so they reach for Ghoul’s hand to grip it tight. “Seriously. I’m not just joking around, you’ve held us together through so much. And we’d all be dead ten times over without you.”

The sun is starting to peer over the horizon, and Poison blames the way Ghoul blinks quickly on that. “Guess I’m glad I’m here, then.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. It would be pretty boring if you weren’t,” Poison adds quickly.

“Ha ha ha. Not with the rest of the idiot squad around.”

“Nah, we need you and your explosions.”

Ghoul laughs again, and it sounds more like a sob. “Thanks, Pois.”

“No problem.” 

The sun is really starting to blind them both now, and eventually Poison is forced to shield their eyes and crawl back inside, to laughter from Ghoul at their undignified topple into the room. 

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck yo-“ Ghoul tumbles through the window as well, landing right beside Poison, and curses violently.

Poison, of course, checks if they’re okay and starts laughing at them when they sees that Ghoul's fine. 

“Hypocrite.”

“Clumsy.”

“Dumbass.”

Poison just snort-laughs and leaves it at that, going over to check on the rest instead. 

“Good fucking morning,” Jet yawns, and claps a hand over her mouth. “Shit, can’t swear around Motorbaby.”

“Shit,” Motorbaby repeats gleefully. 

“Fuck!”

“Fuck!”

Kobra sits up with a snort. “Dumbasses, the lot of you.”

Poison helpfully flips their brother off, and in the ensuing laughter, they can almost forget all four people laying dead in a radio station a few miles from here currently. 

Cherri sitting up breaks that illusion, eyes red and hair a mess as he hauls himself up quietly next to them. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Poison returns, all the laughter stolen from their lips as quickly as it came. “You ready to keep going?”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Cherri doesn’t wait for them to answer that, yawning. “I’ll…stick with you guys. For a bit.”

“Well of course you will, bastard. We’re not just letting you wander off.” Poison gestures at the rest, and eventually everyone’s gotten themselves together enough to shuffle downstairs to the rest of the Nest.

Autumn Assassin greets them with a silent wave, silhouetted in sunlight shining through the only somewhat dusty kitchen window.

Poison squints at them. “What time is it?”

“Fuck if I know,” Autumn returns bluntly. “I’d guess around six am.”

“Do you ever fucking sleep?” Ghoul wants to know.

They don’t answer that. “I’m guessing you lot are going to want breakfast?”

“Yeah!” Motorbaby says enthusiastically. 

“Yes, please,” Jet tells Autumn much more politely. 

Autumn nods, pulling out a large stock pot and beginning to light a fire in the sink. “Here we go. You’ve got to have a big meal to start a day. Hand me that power pup?”

Cherri obliges, being the closest person who’s tall enough to reach what Autumn pointed out, and they throw the power pup into the pot with a small smile. “Right. Hand me that can as well, please.”

Poison does that one, reading off the label of ‘baked beans’. “You put this in breakfast? You _have_ this?”

“Yeah, we get lots of extra food around the Nest. Lots of killjoys around to help feed the group.” Autumn Assassin tips the can into the big pot and pours an entire bottle of water in too. “Plus, I’m cooking for an entire household. I need a lot of food. Now hand me that can, and that will be the last of it, I think.”

Jet is the one who hands them that one, and Autumn Assassin tips it in, looking very pleased with themself. 

“Right. Sit down, you lot, it’ll be a minute before this is warm enough to eat.” They hang the pot over the fire they started, fetching a bottle of some sort of spice and adding that before they give the pot a good stir.

Princey comes wandering down the stairs as they’re all sitting down at the breakfast table, sliding into an empty chair across from Cherri with a yawn of “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Jet says. 

It’s a quiet breakfast, the wounds of grief soothed by having a little time and a safe place to stay, but not vanished entirely. Not even close.

“So what’s your plan now?” Autumn Assassin asks after a bit, setting down their spoon. “You’re welcome here as long as you like, but if you need to leave, I understand.”

“We won’t be staying.” Poison is surprised by how hard it is to say that already. The Nest is not their home, not by a long shot, but it’s safe, cozy, an island of stability in a sea of uncertainty. “We have to retrieve our stuff from the diner, and it’s not safe to stay anyways.”

“We have to leave,” Cherri agrees softly, and Poison glances at him, startled. “We can’t endanger you and the rest by staying here, and we need to bring- to bring my family’s masks to the mailbox.”

“Surprised you haven’t left yet,” Princey snorts, and Cherri stiffens slightly.

“Why would-“

“Oh, don’t play oblivious. We all know what happened last time.”

“I don’t,” Poison mutters.

Princey takes that as a chance to lean his elbow on the table and open his mouth to say “Well, last time what happened is that Cherri here up and ran into the desert and broke his fucking family’s heart.”

“Don’t,” Cherri says quietly.

“They fell the fuck apart,” Princey snaps, and Poison finds themself forgotten as Princey leans towards Cherri. “Chimp left ‘cause of you.”

“Princey-“

“Doctor Death almost cried on air. Pony used to come by and talk with Autumn for hours, trying to make sense of why you’d leave em.”

“Prince-“

“Newsie would come with aer, and she’d come cry on my shoulder because she’d lost the other person she dared fall apart in front of-“

Cherri slams his hands down on the table as he stands, looking Princey right in the face. “Do not bring my fucking sister into this. Do not.”

“You hurt them,” Princey hisses as he stands to face Cherri. 

“Do you think I don’t know that?” It’s more of a cry, a plea, than a question. “Do you think I haven’t regretted hurting my family every goddamn day of my life since? That I can just forget that I left when they needed me most? Even now that they’re fucking dead I still regret what I did! But regret doesn’t change a goddamn thing, and regret doesn’t change the fact that I never get to see my family again, so if you would stop reminding me about that, that would be great!” 

Cherri’s voice is loud enough to make Poison flinch by the end, clearly upset, but it softens again as he looks at Princey. “Do you think I would leave the Four behind? They’re the only family I have left, and I refuse to make the same mistakes I did before.”

There’s a moment of silence as the older killjoys face off and Poison’s crew tries not to be emotional about being Cherri’s family and fails.

“Not the only family,” Princey says eventually, voice rough around the edges with tears. 

“Not the only family,” Cherri agrees quietly, reaching a hand towards the other but stopping a few inches from his face.

“Please don’t leave me.” Princey’s voice is barely more than a whisper, tears pooling in his eyes. “Please. Sodapop.”

Cherri is hurrying around the table to wrap the other up in a hug before Poison can even comprehend the sudden shift in tone, pulling Princey close to him. “I won’t. I won’t.”

“I’m sorry,” the angel kisser sobs. “I’m so sorry, I- I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats anyways. “I-“

“Was scared,” Cherri murmurs.

“So scared.” Princey hasn’t stopped clinging to him. “The last time- after the Analogs, we thought we were never going to see you again. I thought you were dead, and I had to- I had to sit here quietly in the Nest. Because there were people that needed me, and it’s not as if some quiet- some quiet medic could’ve done anything about you being dead anyways.”

“I wasn’t dead.”

“But I thought you were, I thought- I thought I was never going to see you again and eventually you came back but you were half-dead and had this broken look. And- and when I heard about D and Newsie and Chimp and Pony I thought you’d be gone again by morning, for good this time-“

“Shh. Shh.” Cherri rocks back and forth with Princey gently, and the other puts up no resistance. “I’m not going anywhere this time. I learned my lesson.”

Poison, the rest of the Four, and Autumn Assassin all have the good sense to stay quiet, but the Girl has not learned this yet.

“Ghoulie?”

“Yeah, Girlie?” Ghoul whispers. Poison can’t help a smile at how gentle he is with Motorbaby.

“Why’s he sad?”

“He was worried about your uncle Cola,” Jet says gently. 

“Oh.” The Girl frowns thoughtfully. “Can I give him a hug?”

Poison glances at Princey, who sniffles and nods. “Yeah, you can give him a hug. Be gentle, though.”

“Okay!” She bounces over, and Cherri obligingly lets go of Princey so she can throw her arms around him in the uniquely comforting way of a six-year-old.

“This is Motorbaby,” Cherri introduces with a smile. “My almost-niece.”

“They also call me The Girl, because none of them are girls except Jet sometimes!” 

“Oh,” Princey says, clearly a little overwhelmed. “Nice to meet you,” he adds, wiping his eyes.

The Girl beams up at him. “Don’t be sad, Uncle Cola loves you!”

Poison watches Princey’s face melt into a soft, sad smile. “Well I love your uncle Cola very much, so I’m glad.”

“It’s true,” Cherri puts in quietly. 

Princey glances over with a wry grin. “Terrible choice that, Cola. Tell me, is it my dashing good looks?”

“You’re a _scoundrel_ , Princey.”

“And you’re a pretty boy.”

“You say that as if you aren’t.”

“If everyone’s done having breakdowns at my table, we’re done with breakfast,” Autumn Assassin cuts in. 

Poison pretends to look thoughtful. “I could probably squeeze in one before breakfast ends, but that would be pushing it.”

Princey snorts, but not unkindly, and Autumn just sighs. “Is there anything you six need for the road? And Princey, you should apologize properly.”

“I’m- I-“ Poison watches him stumble over his words, taking a deep breath. “Cola, I’m really sorry I said all that and brought your family into it. I was scared, but that was unnecessarily cruel and pretty damn shitty of me. I’m sorry.”

“Damn shitty,” Motorbaby gleefully repeats, seemingly having a sense for curse words.

Cherri gives her a brief smile before glancing back up at Princey. “I forgive you. It…wasn’t the right thing to do, maybe, but I understand why you said all that.”

“And I completely understand why you snapped at me over it.” Princey holds out his arms awkwardly, and Cherri hugs him tightly for a long moment. 

Kobra nudges Poison lightly. “Is it time to go?”

“Yes, it’s time to go,” they say louder, and ignore the way Princey’s worried face tugs on their heartstrings as Cherri pulls away from him.

“Onward and upward,” Jet murmurs, and Motorbaby repeats that gleefully as well.

Poison leads the others out to the car, sliding into the driver’s seat. Kobra grabs shotgun again, and Ghoul and Jet end up in the back. Cherri is shunted into the backseat as well, Motorbaby sitting on his lap. 

“I think he needs a hug,” Motorbaby is telling Jet seriously as Poison starts the engine of the Am. 

“I think so too, kiddo,” Jet murmurs. “So go on, if Uncle Cola is okay with you sitting on his lap.”

“I’m okay with that,” Cherri assures her, a hint of a smile peeking through the sorrow on his face. “Girlie is always welcome to use me as a chair.”  
Motorbaby bounces gleefully at that.

Poison steps on the gas, sending the car down the desert road, but not before they look in the window of the Nest and see Autumn Assassin and Princey watching them with near-identical worry on their faces. Princey’s is more evident, distress written into every line of his face, but Autumn’s brows are furrowed too and Poison almost feels bad for taking Cherri away from them. They don’t think their crew and Cherri can be separated at this point, though, so they slam their foot down on the accelerator and try not to care. 

The diner is further from the Nest than the radio station, but it’s still not a far trip. In the bright sun of the desert, it’s a little easier to forget flames licking into the night sky and the still body of a DJ Poison had cared about. The silence doesn’t let those memories rest, though, no music blaring over the speakers of the Trans Am. Although Poison barely would notice the music normally, it seems so infinitely quiet without the DJs of 109 WKIL, the station the Am is perpetually tuned to. No music, no Mad Gear and the Missile Kid. None of Dr. D’s soothing voice, ever-steady as he reported the news and spoke of the happenings of the desert, ever-steady even when that news was tragic. No Cherri Cola’s poetry corner, although the poet is the only one of the WKIL crew who even could do such a thing, now. But he is sitting in the backseat of Poison’s car, face drawn and filled with grief. Not even NewsAGoGo’s bright voice or Hot Chimp’s occasional whisper comes through, let alone Show Pony’s cheerful additions. 

Silence.

No one dares change the radio, and perhaps that is a good thing. At some point in the trip- Poison can’t say exactly when- a faint strain of music begins to fill the car. It’s a familiar song, a Mad Gear and the Missile Kid song that they love, fierce and bright and singing about broken glass and burning stars. Sharp, determined, wild, all the things they’ve always wanted to be.

Logically, Poison knows this is impossible. Music doesn’t just come from radio stations that have been burned to the ground. But when they glance at the radio, it’s still tuned to 109 WKIL; no one’s dared change the setting. And yet the music is playing anyways.

No one says anything about it as they speed onward through the desert. Eventually, they pull up at the diner where Poison’s crew has long made their home, but no one gets out yet. Not until the song ends and the car falls silent again.

Poison clicks the door open. “We’re here.”

The rest clamber out of the car alongside them, stretching and sometimes yawning, the sleepiness of the morning not quite vanished by the car ride in the warmth of the sun.

No one says anything about the music still as they stand outside the diner, and no one is willing to go inside just yet.

Eventually, Ghoul breaks the silence. “Come on, let’s get our stuff, huh, Pois?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Xe pushes the door often for the rest, and Poison holds it open like they’re in some old-timey movie. Ghoul goes in first, tromping through as Jet and Cherri follow, Motorbaby now held in Cherri’s arms.

Kobra passes through last, and he stops and turns to Poison as he does. “The song we heard in the car. Save Yourself. That’s Cherri’s favorite.”

Poison stares at their brother for a moment, door almost slipping from their hand. “Do you believe in ghosts?”

“I do now.”

Whether the music was from ghosts, merely a technical error, or some other force, it was certainly uncanny, Poison has to admit. They try not to dwell on that long, though, heading into the diner to retrieve their stuff.

“We’re home!” The Girl shrieks happily, and Poison barely has the heart to tell her that they won’t stay.

No one else is going to, though, so they take the fall for their crew. “We are, Girlie, but we’ve got to leave home for a bit.”

“Oh.” Her face falls. “Is it so they won’t take me again?”

Poison’s heart is breaking a little, but they nod. “We’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe, and your Uncle Cola will too.”

“Oh. Okay! You’ll never let them get me, ever. I know,” She nods seriously and pats the highest part of Poison she can reach, which is their elbow. 

“We’ll never let them get you,” Poison agrees, smiling. They lean down so she can pat them on the head, and ignore the ‘awww’ face Ghoul is making at them. 

The Fabulous Four take longer to pack up than Poison would have liked. 

They don’t say anything about it. They know Jet, Kobra, and Ghoul understand the urgency, but they also know that this diner is hard to leave behind. Hopefully, someday, they can return, but they need to be safe first and foremost. So they pack the most essential things- food, supplies, spare parts, extra batteries, and water- and a few sentimental items, and pile back in the Am. 

“Onward and upward,” Jet says quietly. She’s claimed shotgun this time; Poison is driving again, and everyone else has accordingly shuffled themselves into the backseat.

Poison doesn’t know where onward and upward might be, but that’s where they go. Out into the desert, back to the wandering lifestyle the four had led before they found a more permanent home in the abandoned diner. It isn’t easy, at first, to adjust back to the life they used to lead, but it soon becomes natural. The same routines as before apply, this time with three more crew members. Ghoul, although he hadn’t been with them the first time they wandered, adjusts quickly, and the Girl does just the same. She’s young, after all, easily adaptable. 

Much to Poison’s surprise, it doesn’t seem to be much harder for Cherri. He’s suffering more grief than they can really fathom, still silent if no one addresses him directly and barely clinging to some semblance of functionality, but he slips back into wandering as if it’s an old jacket, familiar if battered.

“I used to wander,” Cherri says one day, when Poison is giving him questioning looks about how quickly he was able to assess the quality of a building they intend on sheltering in. “Before.”

Poison startles, since this is the first time Cherri has spoken without being prompted in several weeks. “Before what?”

“Before the end of the Analog Wars.”

“Oh.”

“We had a van, then. The WKIL van.” Cherri laughs, abruptly enough that it startles Poison again. “I stole it, you know, when I was sixteen.”

“You? Stole a van? Really?” Poison can’t help but snort a little at the idea of calm, kind Cherri Cola stealing fucking anything.

“Not from like, someone who needed it, from Better Living Industries,” Cherri clarifies. “It was a Better Living news van originally, but we turned it into a radio station that could work on the road just as well as any with a permanent base. At first, we mostly just broadcasted from there when it was parked outside the house we lived in- we being Lily, D, and I- and then later on, we ended up driving it around more, especially when we thought bli was onto our signal. We had to leave that house…” he frowns, and Poison frets.

“This isn’t hard for you to talk about?”

Cherri’s face goes serious for a moment. “It is. Of course it is. But it’s good to remember, to tell the stories of the people I loved so I’m not the only one who remembers them.”

Poison just nods, at loss for words.

“Anyways. We had to leave our first home base when I was seventeen or so, because we got word that Better Living had caught wind of where we were. So we left, and that’s when I met Autumn. Lil knew them from the war, and she figured that Autumn would have a place for us, so she and D drove there. I was unconscious for this, mind you, so I’m just assuming that’s what happened. But either way, when I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar room in what we called the House of Soup, D right there to explain everything.”

“Why were you unconscious?” Jet is wandering by, chattering about something to Kobra, but Poison pays no mind. 

“Some bastard shot me.” Cherri says this with surprising ease, as if he’s talking about the weather- not that there’s a lot of variation of weather to talk about, out here.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. An exterminator. He was a real dick about it too, all cold and casual and ‘oh your little rebellion leader friend isn’t safe’. I got home in time to warn them, though, and even managed to do it before I passed out from blood loss, so I’d count it as a win.”

Poison laughs a little- Cherri’s dry wit can be quite funny, when he’s trying to be. “I guess that counts as a win. So you stayed with Autumn?”

“For a few years, yes. That’s the house we were living in when I met Newsie, but not Pony or Chimp. Well, Chimp is more complicated.”

“Why?”

Cherri’s face darkens, and Poison almost regrets asking. “I met Chimp the day Better Living burned the town that house was in to the ground.”

“Fuck.”

“It was a brutal day. Not a lot of survivors, but Chimp was one of them. I found her in a burning building, and she and I ran for safety.”

Now genuinely worried, Poison reaches out a hand, hovering by Cherri’s arm. “You don’t have to tell me.”

He moves to take their hand, squeezing it tightly. “It’s okay, Pois.”

“Is it really?”

“It was a long time ago.”

“That’s not an answer,” Poison points out.

Cherri smiles, seeming faintly amused. “No, it’s not. I don’t know if I have a real answer for you, but I can say that it was long enough ago to have healed from some.”

Poison isn’t satisfied, but they know that’s the best they’re going to get out of him right now. Besides, Ghoul is calling them over for dinner that evening, Motorbaby waving gleefully from beside xem, and so they drop Cherri’s hand- they do have a bit of pride left- and rejoin their crew. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this mess, please leave a comment or come yell at me on tumblr @always-and-forever-a-killjoy! I might be making this into a multi-chapter or a series if anyone's interested, but I'm not sure yet, so I'm just leaving it as a oneshot for now.


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